Imagine Letting A 'Guardian' Sourpuss Tell You What To Spend Your Money On...

So says Hannah Fearn, according to her 'Guardian' bio, a freelancer writer and reporter specialising in social affairs. And doesn't her picture do her column justice?

Fifteen years ago, it was the wood burner: an unnecessary middle-class indulgence that, despite causing untold environmental damage, started popping up in homes across the country. They became symbolic of a certain affluence that allows a privileged few to live in optimum comfort at all times. Now there’s a new kid on the block: the portable air-conditioning unit.

Oh, horrors! People might be able to keep cool! This will never do! 

At between £300 and £1,000 a pop, they’re not cheap – but they certainly make three or four weeks of good UK weather each year easier to handle.

Great! Right? No. Of course not. 

At what cost?

You just told us, love. Between £300-1000.  

This week National Grid readied another coal-fired power station to cope with the extra demand placed on the energy networks by offices and homes switching on air-conditioning units.

Well, maybe it's me, but isn't that a good thing? A company reacting to demand from its customers? Planning ahead? 

Well, Reader, not in Ms PursedLips' world, it's not...  

Just as wood burners are being phased out by law as we start to fully understand the damage they do to climate and also lung health, we now need to consider a ban on some air-conditioning units – particularly when used at the mildest of warm temperatures.

Yes, of course, a ban is the first - and often only - thing these NuPuritans reach for.  

When it’s 26C outside, the average British home simply doesn’t need air-conditioning. It might feel nicer, but making you a little more comfortable isn’t the government’s job.

Really? So we can start dismantling the panoply of 'hate crime' legislation then? And all those proposals for limiting freedom of speech on the Web?

Oh, that wasn't what you meant? *shrugs* Can't put that genie back in the bottle, can we? 

‘I think a person’s physical and mental welfare should be taken into account, as well as their lifestyle.’

It is, for some. But not for others:

Four years ago, Nick had eight weeks of counselling after telling his GP he had suicidal thoughts. ‘This really helped me mentally, but it hasn’t stopped me wanting the operation,’ he says. So far he has raised £856 to have the surgery privately. He believes that giving him the surgery would be more cost-effective for the NHS than the numerous appointments and procedures he has undergone.

You'd think they'd agree. But this isn't someone who wants to be another gender. It isn't even someone whose mental illness takes the form of believing his leg 'doesn't belong' to him. 

And doctors won't tolerate being wrong: 

In 2016, Hope Gordon raised £10,000 to have her leg amputated after ten years of suffering from complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), a poorly understood condition that causes severe, long-lasting pain. She ended up in a wheelchair, taking strong painkillers and sleeping only two hours a night. She decided an amputation was the only option, but her doctors disagreed, saying they couldn’t guarantee the pain would go.

Hope had the surgery privately, and has since become a national-level swimmer, a Paralympian canoeist and a Nordic skier.

Can't have that happen again, clearly! 

"That Advice We Gave You About Obesity? Well..."

Britain is engulfed in a child obesity crisis, with one in four 10- and 11-year-olds officially obese.

Yeah, yeah, we know... 

However, research led by the University of Oxford suggests that slimming attempts among all children are now outpacing rising weight gain levels in their respective age groups.

Oh! 

Writing in the journal Archives of Disease in Childhood, the experts said there was a marked increase in weight-loss attempts among children from 2011-12 onwards. This coincided with parents being given feedback on their child’s weight as part of the National Child Measurement Programme (NCMP), which weighs and measures pupils when they are in reception and year 6.

Hurrah! Something works! Are you happy now, 'experts'..? 

They said they were concerned that the increase in weight-loss attempts “has not been matched by an increase in the provision of weight management services in England, creating a risk of unsupervised and potentially inappropriate weight-control behaviours.

*sighs* 

“Meanwhile, the rise in weight-loss attempts among children with a healthy weight raises concerns and suggests greater attention is needed to target weight control messages appropriately.”

Whatever the question of the day is, it seems the answer is always some version of 'gimmie more money/staff', have you noticed? 

I've Just One Question: How..?

Tourists and second home owners visiting a Cornish sea sideside resort will have to pay to use public toilets while the facilities will remain free for locals.

All eight public toilets in the west Cornish town have traditionally been free to use by everyone, but now the local authority wants to recoup some cash without adversely affecting locals.

Surely the amount of money such a scheme will cost to impliment will outweigh any gains? So...it's not about cost at all, is it? 

The town council said it is still finalising the details of the new contactless toilets but is looking at ways to ensure second home owners or holiday let users cannot use their temporary St Ives address or share any access codes with their Airbnb customers, so public toilets are only genuinely free for locals.

You're going to find a way to stop people sharing access codes, eh? 

Cool! After that, can you get to work on a perpetual motion scheme, or energy from nothing? Or even peace in the Middle East, if you really want a challenge... 

Mrs Dwelly said: 'We will be giving residents a card or code to use on their phone so when they use the public toilets it will be free. Visitors will have to pay and will be able to use their phone or credit card to do so.'

Or will ask/pay a friendly local to swipe their card/phone for them... 

We Thought Lockdowns Would Be 'A Tough Sell' Once...

...the news that China is taking on the job of limiting gaming time caught the attention of so many parents I know. According to state news outlets, online gaming companies will be required to limit under-18s to just three hours of playtime a week, between the hours of eight and nine in the evening on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The regulation has teeth: companies will be required to ensure they put in place real-name verification systems or go further and take their cue from companies such as Tencent, which recently implemented a facial recognition system that asks users to play on camera to prove they’re over 18.

Well, *shrugs*, that's China for you! 

I know some western parents found themselves looking at the new rules wistfully. Imposing limits on surly children is hard and being able to – truthfully – tell a kid to stop playing video games on a weekday night because it’s against the law can sometimes feel like it would be a parenting superpower versus simply cajoling, pleading or threatening.

Sure, because as Longrider pointed out in comments on one of my posts, there are always rabid authoritarians out there who will seize any opportunity. 

And parents who think telling their children something's against the law will stop them doing it, against all evidence to the contrary... 

I’m a huge gaming fan, but even I get uncomfortable when I look at the business models – and revenue – of some of the industry’s largest players.

Why? Do football fans say 'Oh, I hope my team doesn't make too much money from ticket sales, or win too many matches'..? 

The video game world’s understanding of regulation was shaped by bruising conflicts in the 90s and 00s over whether violent games begat violent children. As clear a moral panic as one would ever see, the experience has taught too many in the industry that all concerns over its effects on children are overblown and all approaches to regulation are to be fought tooth and nail.

Maybe they are, though? 

Western nations won’t follow China’s lead too closely and as much as some western parents might wish they could, such a tight restriction would be a tough sell in a youth culture where games have a much stronger hold on the attention than anything so pedestrian as broadcast TV or music radio.

It would have been, yes. But nearly two years of the majority accepting that the governmennt has the right to order us all to stay behind our front doors may well have changed that... 

Over To You, Grant...

Seven of London's Low-Traffic Neighbourhoods (LTNs) are to be scrapped after they were found to increase local congestion and caused 'no material change in air quality'.

Ealing Council studied nine LTNs following outcry from residents, who gathered in their thousands outside the town hall in April to demand they be axed.

So, sometimes the local council listens. But surely the effects of these wretched things were well-known before they were put in? Who'd be so stupid as to imag...

Oh...

Transport Secretary Grant Shapps previously announced the scheme - which plans for 200 LTNs across the country - is to receive hundreds of millions of pounds as part of the Government's so-called 'green transport revolution', which hopes to reduce car use by encouraging walking and cycling.

*sigh* 

The damning report challenges the Government's repeated claims that LTNs are a popular idea among the public.

It seems all their claims hold as much water as a sieve when you look at them closely, doesn't it? 

Good, If It's 'Guidance' I'll Take It Under Advisement...

Stronger guidance on wearing masks is being planned in case coronavirus hospitalisations keep rising.

...but we all know it's not going to be guidance, don't we?

Ministers are now concerned by falling compliance in supermarkets, trains and buses amid rising infection levels. Yesterday there were another 37,622 Covid cases and 147 deaths. There are also 8,098 patients in hospital with the virus – a six-month high and a rise of 6 per cent in a week.

No doubt the Met Police can't wait to act like their Aussie counterparts... 

Although government sources insist a mask mandate is not imminent, the fact it is being considered will concern Tory backbenchers.

Not enough to actusally do anything, I expect. They proved supine enough on everything else, they aren't going to rebel over this.

They are already angry at being asked to renew the emergency Covid powers that allow ministers to impose restrictions.

Yoda says 'Angry they maybe, but ineffectual they also are, mmmm...' 

"Rules? Those Are For Other People..."

A father of three was sentenced to prison at a hearing described by campaigners as a return to secrecy in the family courts.

The 15-month suspended sentence was delivered anonymously despite firm rules to judges they should never give prison or suspended terms without naming the individual.

What do rules mean to the people who feel entitled to rule over us? 

The ruling came after the man repeatedly defied a judge's order to stop trying to make contact with his sons.

Ah! Just as with police the real crime here is not doing as you're told... 

Open justice campaigners criticised the decision and yesterday senior judges launched an inquiry into the suppression of the father's name.

The ruling by Judge Gillian Matthews QC appears to run directly against open justice rules established eight years ago that say no adult should be handed a prison sentence in the family courts without being publicly named.

A female judge? Weren't we always told we needed more of these to 'improve' the dispensation of justice? 

How's it going? 

Her sentence follows an earlier nine-month prison term imposed on the father in December 2019 after he snatched the three boys from their mother. The children were taken back from him by police who stopped his Mercedes on the M4.

At the 2019 sentencing, Judge Matthews did allow him to be publicly named.

Wait, what? So...he's already been identified? By the same judge? 

My flabber is well and truly ghasted...

Bin Wars Looming...

Councillors have warned that people 'will go mad' if the government proceeds with plans to force homes to have seven bins each.

If only they would. Mostly, they'll just grumble and send letters to the local paper... 

It follows the government unveiling plans to standardise waste collection across England, with separate bins for dry recyclables – glass, metal, plastic, paper and card - in addition to bins for garden waste, food waste and non-recyclables.

This is the sort of plan that can only be conceived by people who live in huge, sprawling detatched houses with plenty of room for all these receptacles. Ot who have other people to worry about this sort of thing for them. 

Stockport Labour councillor Roy Driver said that aside from storage, an issue with most bin collections is 'street clutter'.

He continued: 'Blind people struggle to get past, as well as people with mobility problems and women with buggies. If we have more bins this problem will be exacerbated.'

Pshaw! Who cares about people, we've got a planet to save..! But are we doing that badly?

A spokesperson for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) said last month: 'We are going further and faster to recycle more of our waste to protect the environment.’

Oh! 

'Less than 10 per cent of household waste is now going to landfill and the amount of food waste being recycled is up by over 40 per cent since 2015.’

So...what's the issue? 

‘But we must do more, and through our major reforms of kerbside collections we will boost recycling levels and step up our war on plastic pollution – while our proposed weekly food waste collections will maximise recycling and stop the build-up of smelly waste around homes.’

So while these extra vehicles are trundling round the streets pumping out the diesel fumes they claim are ruining our quality of life, and the hotter summers they keep telling us we'll have due to climate change are heating up the stinking food waste bins, do any of these geniuses stop to wonder just what we're saving the planet for..? 

Valuing Everyone...

...except those damned heretics who won't bend the knee!

Three peers face being banned from using House of Lords bars and restaurants after refusing to take a controversial sexual harassment course.

Former Tory party treasurer Lord Kalms, Lord James and Lord Willoughby will lose access to Lords' facilities, and will be only allowed to communicate with staff by email, after refusing to take part in 'Valuing Everyone' training.

Good for them for sticking to their guns,. Unlike others. 

Former Deputy Prime Minister Lord Heseltine called the training a 'shocking waste of taxpayer money' after completing it to avoid punishment.

What a craven example to set. Typical of Hestletime, who clearly values subsidised food over principle. 

Challenge Consultancy has pocketed £885,354 for running the course across the Commons and Lords, a Parliament spokesman said.

You'll note that attendance for MPs was made voluntary instead of compulsory. Because they knew they'd all turn up anyway? 

The peers will only get the access back if they agree to the training, which Lord James, 83, who previously advised George Osborne, argued is an infringement on freedom of speech.

Hereditary peer Lord Willoughby, 82, said the training was 'misguided' and amounted to 'virtue signalling'. He told the committee: 'The idea that we should be trained to value everyone is wholly misguided.

'However much training I get, I will never value everyone; as an example, I will never be able to value murderous terrorists, however many re-education or self-criticism camps I am required to attend.'

Well said! 

Lord Stanley Kalms, 89, who ran electronics retailer Dixons, said: 'During that period I was at the forefront of female equal rights and pay well ahead of legalisation.'

To demand that they now turn up for a hugely expensive Two Minute Indoctrination is repulsive. 

What Would We Do Without 'Experts'..?

Replacing pointed-tip kitchen knives with rounded blades could help reduce knife crime and prevent serious injuries within the home, according to research at De Montfort University Leicester (DMU).

Wait, haven't we been here before? Reader, yes. Yes, we have... 

In a study led by senior lecturer in Forensic Science at DMU, Leisa Nichols-Drew, five kitchen knives – each with a different type of blade tip – were used for ‘stab tests’ on items of clothing, to examine the damage caused by each knife.

In collaboration with DMU’s Dr Rachel Armitage and Dr Kevin Farrugia, University of Leicester’s Professor Robert Hillman and Northumbria University’s Dr Kelly Sheridan, Leisa conducted 300 ‘tests’ using a single downward stabbing motion on four garments, including a t-shirt, a pair of denim jeans, a long-sleeved jumper and a faux leather skirt – all made from different materials.

Your taxes undoubtedly went - somehow, probably grants - towards three 'scientists' stabbing clothing all day. This is why we don't have flying cars yet! 

“We want to remove the need for pointed knives. The majority of fatal injuries are caused by penetrative stabbings,” she added.

Prior to joining DMU, Leisa was a practitioner for the Home Office’s Forensic Science Service, working on some of Britain’s most notorious major crime cases. She later worked as a trainer for the police, judiciary and Crown Prosecution Service to improve their forensic awareness.

“My time in case work definitely inspired me to want to do this research,” she said. “I remember thinking at the time that there had to be a way to lower the risk of these terrible crimes from happening.”

And all it'll take is for everyone in the UK to change their entire kitchenware! Dream big, girlie. 

Well, Who Are You Going To Believe..?

The people who live there?

David, who is 79 and retired, said he did not view the area as having a severe lack of community spaces. “We’ve got the whole of the beach, the whole seafront,” he said. “We have plenty of community spaces, I would say. It doesn’t feel like we are lacking anything at all.”

This sentiment is shared by Mark Allen, who has been running Munchies cafe on the seafront of the Norfolk seaside town for nine years.

“I don’t think we are lacking in community spaces. I actually think that areas like this are lovely and have a nice local community feeling. I wouldn’t say there’s a noticeable lack of community spaces.”

Or the 'experts'?

The analysis, conducted by Oxford Consultants for Social Inclusion of public assets in the worst-off council wards, found that left-behind neighbourhoods on average have a disproportionate lack of social infrastructure in comparison with the national average.

So, the experts are wrong (again)? Or...is it a matter of how 'community spaces' are defined?

Kyra Drake, 25, who has been working for the charity and cafe for two years, recognises that although the cafe has a role as a community hub for locals, the area would benefit from an increase in development and funding for community spaces.

“I’d like to see more supported community spaces for LGBT people and other minorities in particular,” she said. “I think it’s really important that more community spaces like that exist in Yarmouth North, and we don’t have anything of the sort currently.”

Aha! Is that a clue I see, perchance? 

Seems Representative Enough To Me...

Buckingham Palace has admitted it “must do more” in terms of diversity and is “not where we would like to be” as figures show people from ethnic minority backgrounds make up 8.5% of its staff.

 *shrugs*

Buckingham Palace wants to reach a target of 10% of its staff being from ethnic minority backgrounds by 2022. It has not ruled out appointing a diversity tsar, though has no plans at present to do so.

Bit odd. The Royals don't have a very happy history with tsars, do they? 

So, They Can Move Fast When They Want To...

A shamed anti-vaxxer nurse who spread coronavirus conspiracy theories and compared the NHS to the Nazis has been struck off.

Kate Shemirani used her status as a health professional to spread 'distorted propaganda' about the Covid-19 pandemic.

She claimed that symptoms of the virus were caused by 5G and that vaccines were 'rushed through' because 'they want to kill you'

That was quick, compared to their usual sloth in these matters! 

And it's astounding what you can get away with and not get struck off, so maybe she's just unlucky?

Now a NMC Fitness to Practice Committee has ruled that her misconduct was so serious that she should be struck from the nursing register permanently.

In its ruling, the chair of the panel found that Mrs Shemirani 'attempted to encourage people to act contrary to public health guidance issued by the UK government by spreading this information through social media platforms and at public events'.

If she'd just ignored that health guidance herself, like political advisers and police and doctors did, she'd have had nothing to worry about... 

A Classic 'Something Must Be Done' Story...

A heartbroken son described watching CCTV of his father's final moments as he went into the sea to try and save the family dog - and called for action to prevent further tragedies on the beach.

What sort of action? It's a tragic story, it's true, but it's a genuinely foreseeable one.

The 69-year-old went into the water to try and help Connie at Hove beach but had not realised that the pebbles had formed a "very sudden drop".

The son is understandably desperate not to face the truth that poor decision-making lead to this tragedy: 

“The thing that shocked me the most was that in 55 seconds, a man that gave so much to business, so much to academia, goes just like that."

Being 'academic' is no guarantee of common sense. It never has been. 

At his inquest, senior coroner Veronica Hamilton-Deeley spoke of the “huge shelf” which “does catch people out”.

However, she noted that even without this drop, the state of the water that day would have made it hard to survive.

Walking a dog near the sea in wild weather - and then going in the sea after it when it seems in trouble - is really only going to end one way. It has so often, after all. 

Not that there isn't always some unscrupulous chancer looking to prey on someone's suffering to gain publicity for themselves... 

Conservative councillor for Wish Ward, Robert Nemeth, is helping Robbie find a way of tackling the risks of pebbles shelves.

He said: “It’s absolutely essential that a solution is found to what is clearly a huge problem.

"I’m going to be spending a lot of time over the coming months working with the council and other linked parties to offer answers.

"It’s clear that change must take place to avoid any further tragedy taking place.”

I bet your constituents are delighted to learn you're going to be spending time trying - fruitlessly - to cheat Darwin rather than attending to their concerns, that you may actually be able to influence, Mr Nemeth. 

As the council point out, they've done everything they can:

“We already have in place a considerable number of beach safety signs. They have been designed in line with the RNLI’s beach safety sign guidelines, which are a nationally recognised standard for beach operators.

“During rough weather we also put up additional mobile warning banners. “We are currently reviewing our beach safety signage to consider possible further options for ensuring public safety.

“However, we would first and foremost always appeal to residents and visitors not to go in the sea during difficult weather conditions.”

Quite.  

Then Sack The Ones Who Couldn't Follow The Guidelines, pour encourager les autres...

Nearly one in five pregnant women in the UK were forced to wear a face covering during labour, according to research by a charity, despite official health guidance saying they should not be asked to do so.

Strange that people so keen to follow official covid guidance to the letter don't seem to have read this far, eh? 

The guidance says that women should not be asked to wear a face covering of any kind during natural labour or during caesarean births because of the risk of harm and complications. Rosie, 39, from London, said she felt as if she was dying because she was in so much pain during advanced labour with her third child, born in December. Yet maternity staff instructed to keep on her face mask.

And of course, she's not allowed anyone with her, under covide guidance, so she's at their mercy... 

“I was frightened that amongst everything else that was happening I was then going to be sick inside the mask,” added Rosie, who has a condition called emetophobia, which is a fear of vomiting. At one point she ripped off the mask but was told to put it back on.

Nor is her's an isolated case. Far from it: 

“Someone put the mask on me and I said: ‘You can’t be serious’, and she replied: ‘Yes’, and then I remember having a contraction,” said Titherington, who has flashbacks of her traumatic birth and has been unable to wear a face covering since because it triggers the memory of struggling to breathe.

She ended up having an emergency caesarean and was told to wear the mask during the entire surgery, which goes against the official guidance.

So...what does the professional body have to say about this? Well, as expected, weasel words and excuses: 

Dr Mary Ross Davie, director of professional midwifery at the Royal College of Midwives said since the start of the pandemic health professionals have had to respond to rapid changes in guidance. “For many on the clinical frontline they have found it really difficult to keep up to date with what the latest guidance is,” she said.

Have they? Oh, the poor dears! Just like...well, everyone else. 

“I think sometimes what has happened is that some health professionals may not have understood when someone is in labour they should be exempt from wearing a mask.”

Then perhaps calling them 'health professionals' is a bit of a misnomer, eh? 

An NHS spokesperson said: “Guidance to hospitals has been absolutely clear that women who are giving birth are exempt from wearing a facemask, and every hospital in England should be following this.”

Well, they aren't. Time to make an example of them. 

Chalk Up Another Win For Carrie..?

To animal welfare activists, it's 'torture in a tin'; to gourmets – or at least some of them – it's a delicious delicacy.

Now Britain is set to ban the import of foie gras in a post-Brexit move that should delight anti-cruelty campaigners.

And someone very close to the seat of power at No 10, no doubt. 

Sources said yesterday that Lord Goldsmith, the Animal Welfare Minister, is determined to implement the ban 'in the next few months'.

There's no more pressing concerns for his department to work on, then? 

Last month, he congratulated Fortnum & Mason after the Queen's grocer announced that it would no longer stock the delicacy, usually sold as a pâté or mousse made from the enlarged livers. At the time, Lord Goldsmith tweeted: 'Foie gras is unbearably barbaric. It's hard to imagine anyone could watch the process and still enjoy eating it.'

Don't they say the same about sausages? Oh, and laws? 

You Wouldn't Know 'Justice' If It Slapped You Around The Face With A Wet Haddock!

Social media users should not be allowed to post from anonymous accounts, the Victims’ Commissioner for England and Wales has said.

What?! Who on earth would say such a stu... 

Dame Vera Baird QC...

Oh. Right.  

...said tech giants such as Twitter and Facebook should not allow people to sign up without providing accurate identifiable information. It comes amid concern the practice is allowing people to abuse others online with little prospect of being identified and prosecuted.

I can post a poison pen letter that's untraceable. I can use a 'burner' phone to make threatening calls. When do you start demanding these avenues be closed down too?

And why, on any subject, should someone too dim and arrogant to scoop her dog's crap be able to shoot her mouth off and be listened to?

Dame Vera said: “I think that getting rid of anonymity is fundamental to being able to enforce the law quite obviously.”

Well, there goes all that whistleblower legislation, eh? 

“People sit at home with a funny name and say the most horrible thing, having quite a lot of pleasure because they can’t be found - that must be the point of it, mustn’t it, to do it without any comeback.”

Like politicians can, in the House? 

“It’s very unpleasant indeed and it’s imperative they be brought to justice.”

Like speeders should?