Well, Catherine, Do You Really Want An Answer?

 Because I don't think you'll like it...

While it's a joyous thing when the lanyard class gets its noses rubbed in the glorious diversity and lack of public decorum they are so keen to subject the rest of us to, it's a bit of a wasted opportunity if they seemingly don't learn anything frtom it. And Catherine doesn't appear to have learned anything from it.

Last Friday, the local councillor rang the doorbell, doing impromptu and – for me at least – unprecedented doorstepping, so I told her what had happened. She looked appropriately revolted and carried on. The council’s first priority, she said, after children’s services, was parcel theft. That’s great. But while it’s possible to get big post diverted to the newsagent, it’s rare our short walk to school doesn’t become an obstacle course of lethal paving, crack dealers and stool samples, not all of them animal.

So what are you suggesting to her? Remigration? More cops on the beat?  

Perhaps some public loos could be rebuilt, I said. To give people privacy for those last two activities, at least.

Of course! God forbid the druggies and public defecators lack privacy for their antisocial actions, eh, Catherine? 

Oh, Do Get Over Yourself!

The etiquette of when to offer your seat on public transport is some of the most complicated we’re forced to navigate – probably worldwide, but definitely in Britain, where most of us are easily mortified, and could then be trapped together, at least until the next stop, to endure the aftermath. When you factor in that it must be done in full view of numerous spectators, no wonder so many commuters pretend not to notice who is standing near them. Make a mistaken offer and you’ve insulted a stranger, to their face, in front of a live audience. You’ll carry the shame with you for ever, on some level, as anybody who has had their Good Samaritan moment ruined by the reply “I’m not actually pregnant, thank you very much” can attest.

As someone who has now reached the age where I am occasionally offered a seat (ewhich I usually decline with thanks because I only go a handful of stops), can I say what a load of utter bollocks this article is? 

Let’s agree from the off that those who choose priority seats (the ones clearly marked for people with a greater need to sit down), and then fall asleep or become engrossed in their phone/book/thoughts, are the absolute worst. If you sit there, you are entering into a moral contract. With great comfort comes great responsibility. You’re duty-bound to monitor your surroundings, and leap up if the need arises.

Have you ever been on a crowded train? Doesn't seem like it... 

The train track to hell is laid with good intentions – you may genuinely mean “Please do sit down, I care about your wellbeing,” but they will hear “You are ancient, or overweight, or perhaps both.” In a nutshell, you have to be pretty confident of the facts before you dare open your mouth.

People like you with attitudes like this are what has ruined commuting. Decrying basic good manners as somehow 'offensive' and shaming those who display them.