We Do, Simon, We Do....

...and look at the result! When David Lammy opens his mouth, his brain falls out and lies quivering on the desk. And yet he's now Foreign Secretary!  

And as for Diane Abbott, if she has one brain cell, it's very lonely. 

The Commons is reluctant to reform itself, but it badly needs it. Now we supposedly know who the next government will be, voters, at least in marginal seats, should select their MPs as individuals, not loyal party members. They should judge them for intelligence, radicalism and independence – qualities likely to be in very short supply.

Indeed so. So perhaps if people no longer vote tribally, and actually read up on the candidates in front of them, we'll see an improvement in quality? 

It's a nice thought.  

Yes, In The Basement, Behind A Door With A Sign Saying 'Beware Of The Leopard'...

Cllr Nigel Ayre, leader of the Liberal Democrat opposition group on the council which was in power when the bollards were installed, insisted the work was in line with a map that had been available at a public drop-in session in January.

Residents wanted 'independent shops, but also seating and greenery'. But that wasn't what they got, was it?

Vikki Hill of the 'What a load of bollards' campaign said the group's aims were simple. "This is about one thing, and one thing only - getting rid of the bollards!" she said.

Get rid of the useless bollards in the council planning department first... 

She Forgot To Add 'Unless You Come In On A Dinghy'...

Coffey, secretary of state for environment food and rural affairs since Rishi Sunak took office in September said: “It is not the role of government to provide free food.”

Well, that should stop the flow of illegal immigration! Suella can put her feet up and have a mince pie... 

In her first grilling by MPs on the environment, food and rural affairs committee since taking up the post, she also said she was “very disappointed by the water companies” and acknowledged concern over sewage flows into waterways. She said water company bosses were being summoned to account for their actions next week, and that they would be subject to more monitoring and would have to submit “real-time data”. She stopped short of promising to crack down on sewage flows into rivers and beaches.

Well, of course! I mean, we wouldn't want to upset people who aren't doing their job, would we? It might make the Cabinet nervous... 

Coffey did, however, give comfort to those hoping for an expansion of renewable energy across the UK countryside. She moved away from the position adopted by Sunak in his leadership campaign, when he rejected solar farms on UK agricultural land, and said a government review of land use to be published in the first half of next year would take a “balanced” view.

She told the committee that land graded 3b for agricultural use – judged to be moderate quality, capable of producing cereals and grass – could be used for solar farms.

We need more food production, not less. Why do these 'conservatives' think there's votes in humouring the eco-loons?

Remember, 'They Work For You'...

...while the police, who won't bother to turn up for your burglary unless the criminals are injured in the course of the crime, well, they work for them, clearly:

Retired teacher Fran Swan and yoga instructor Beverley Glock both tried to register for a meeting in a nearby village, hosted by West Dorset MP Chris Loder. But after they submitted questions about sewage in the online registration form, Mr Loder wrote to say the meeting was specifically for villagers in Chideok - but said he would 'see what he could do'.

And what could he do to ensure democracy was upheld? Well...

And at 7.30pm last Thursday, the night before the meeting was due to take place, a police officer arrived at Ms Swan's home to ask the 70-year-old about her intentions.

What a snivelling little weasel of a man. And what a misstep by the police. 

And it gets worse: 

Mr Loder told the Mail it was necessary for him to inform the police about 'anything out of the ordinary' as he and his family have received threats in the past.

The Tory MP added that it was 'unusual to receive the interest of two people who were not invited to attend a localised surgery', and cited the murder of Sir David Amess who was stabbed to death at a constituency surgery in 2021.

But not by a retired yoga instructor and teacher from a nearby village, Chris, so even the bumpkin farce down there in Dorset should have performed a better risk assessment.

A Dorset Police spokesman said officers from its neighbourhood policing team 'wished to understand the intentions' of the women 'to ensure that public safety was preserved and any lawful protest could be facilitated'.

He added: 'Dorset Police would like to apologise if the attendance of a police officer to the home address of individuals going to the meeting caused alarm.'

I suspect that was exactly what they wanted to cause.