What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Transgender police officers can strip-search women under new guidance. The British Transport Police policy allows recently transitioned officers to intimately search women if they have been issued a gender recognition certificate.

Oh, a bit of paper. Well, that'll make sure they aren't simply predatory perverts looking to capitalise on the power it gives them, won't it?

A trans police officer in Germany has been accused of drugging and abusing two colleagues with a penis pump after partying in a Berlin nightclub famed for its hardcore sex parties. Judy S., 27, has been suspended since allegations emerged that she took two men home to her apartment to take drugs and have sex before assaulting them earlier this month. The men reported having sustained serious injuries from the incident, including to their genitals.

Oh... 

Beat Me Harder! Punish Me!

Food firms should be forced to reveal how healthy or unhealthy their products are, to help people consume a better diet, an industry boss has said. Ministers should compel companies to publish an annual report so consumers can see how much of their sales is made up of dishes that contain too much fat, salt and sugar, Stéfan Descheemaeker also said. Descheemaeker is the chief executive of Nomad Foods, which owns popular brands such as Birds Eye fish fingers, Findus frozen foods and Goodfella’s pizzas.

If you're the CEO, can't you do this without government compulsion, then, Stefan? 

He told the Guardian that mandatory publication of what proportion of each firm’s sales count as healthy or unhealthy under government guidelines would kickstart a “nutrition arms race” in which manufacturers would vie with each other to make their products better for health.

Ah, I suspect he thinks this is a game he could win, and he wants competitors to be forced to enter. 

His comments underline what one diet campaigner called the “quiet revolution” going on in the industry in its views on how best to tackle the UK’s addiction to unhealthy food. More and more manufacturers want the government to now order the sector to improve its behaviour, rather than relying on voluntary agreements as the Conservatives did during their 14 years in power.

So why don't they do it without government compulsion? I really cannot understand modern business leaders...  

For the last seven years Nomad has published figures showing the percentage of its net sales that are deemed healthy under the government’s nutrient profiling model of judging which products contain the right or wrong amounts of fat, salt and sugar. It was now at 93.3% overall healthy, he said, according to the official high in fat, sugar or salt (HFSS) assessment system. Public disclosure of food firms’ sales would enable the creation of league tables that would allow those whose products are more often unhealthy to be named and shamed, backers say.

See? Stefan thinks the gold medal will be his! Is that why he wants government compulsion?

Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Iceland and the yoghurt maker Danone have already made clear they back mandatory reporting.

*baffled face* If they thought it was a winner with the shopping public, they'd do it, wouldn't they?

Maybe You're Warning The Wrong People?

The parents of teenager Natasha Ednan-Laperouse, who died after eating a Pret a Manger baguette, today urged the Government and food firms to 'wake up' to 'how serious food allergies are'.

Why them? Why not parents of children and pharmacists? Because in this story they seem equally culpable... 

Nadim and Tanya Ednan-Laperouse spoke out while attending the inquest into the death of Hannah Jacobs, 13, who suffered catastrophic reaction after a single sip of a Costa Coffee hot chocolate. The couple who founded The Natasha Allergy Research Foundation said they were 'devastated' to learn of the case and added: 'How many more children must die before we start taking food allergy seriously?'

Who is that 'we'? Well, maybe start with this girl's own mother: 

On the first day of the inquest at East London Coroner's Court, Hannah's mother, Abimbola Duyile, recalled the moments that led to the tragedy. She had warned staff about her daughter's allergies, she said, apologising to the barista for 'being a pain' after requesting the milk steamer was cleaned to ensure traces of cow's milk were eliminated.

Now, Reader, like me, you may well be thinking that if you have a life-threatening food allergy, you'd be mad to eat anything you haven't personally prepared, or observed being made in front of you. 

And this girl appears to have been the same, reportedly preparing her own food and drink in the main. So why did she take the risk on this occasion? 

Ms Duyile said Hannah had enjoyed a soya hot chocolate at Costa on several occasions before, having been convinced by her mother to try a hot drink there.

Why would you...? I mean...to trust foreign staff who might not fully understand the risk seems crazy, does it not? 

Yet Costa employee Ana Sanz, who was an assistant manager at Costa franchise in Barking at the time of Hannah's death but was not working until later that day, admitted to the court that she had used Google Translate to help her complete allergy training, as her first language is Spanish. She suggested that other employees she worked with may have also done the same.

*sigh* The employee who took the order, one Urmi Akter, was supported at the inquest herself by a Bengali interpreter. You couldn't make it up, could you?

Roughly 10 minutes after being served the drink in February last year, Hannah took her first sip and almost immediately began vomiting, according to her mother's statement. Ms Duyile then rushed her daughter across the road to a pharmacy, where she asked for antihistamines which had previously worked to relieve her allergic symptoms. However, Hannah complained that her chest was becoming 'tight and painful' and she was struggling to breathe. A pharmacist administered an auto-injector filled with adrenaline (also known as Epipen), but it contained half the dose of medication recommended for teenagers and adults.

So despite this seriously life-threatening allergy, she didn't have an epi-pen already? Just who is responsible here, because I'm not convinced it's solely the food companies.

Won't Do Anything About Shoplifters...

While the authorities are targeting criminal gangs who distribute dodgy fire sticks — conducting police raids and making arrests — they are also starting to create a list of names of people who are using the sticks illegally. Police have this year started knocking on doors and asking users to stop using the devices in their homes.

...but will come and knock on your door if they think you're watching 'Mrs Brown's Boys' on catchup illegally.

Detective Inspector Steve Payne, from the Bedford-based Eastern Region Special Operations Unit of the police, which led the investigation, says: ‘We have also gained access to the details of those purchasing the streams and I would remind anyone doing so that they will be breaking the law and could ultimately be subject to criminal proceedings.

‘The two arrests made last week are part of an investigation into a sophisticated large-scale criminal operation that has generated significant sums through the illicit sale of TV subscription packages.

‘Money generated through illegal means such as this often funds wider organised criminality.’

You couldn't make it up, could you? 

Well, If We Really Are A Nation Of Animal Lovers…

 

…maybe this will finally wake the Left up to the cause they are supporting? And the sort of people they are marching for?

No, you’re probably right, Reader, they are a hopeless cause…

But If It Wasn't For 'Virtue-Signalling, Gesture Politics Nonsense'...

...the Alba Party wouldn't have any policies!

It should come as little surprise that an exhibition dedicated to exploring the history of warfare features part of the wreck of a German aircraft bearing Nazi insignia. But bosses at Edinburgh Castle are facing extraordinary calls to remove the exhibit from the National War Museum on its grounds – amid claims that the sight of a swastika may upset some tourists.

'Don't mention ze war!' 'But, it's a War Museum!' 'I said, DON'T..!' 

Chris McEleny, general secretary of Alex Salmond's Alba Party, has written to Culture Secretary Angus Robertson, claiming that the use of the Nazi symbol is a 'national embarrassment'. He also objects to the 'crudely named' Redcoat Café, which is also on the castle grounds and is named after the red- uniformed British troops who fought against the Jacobites.

Of course he did. Why not? He's a deeply unserious politician, so expecting serious politics from him is a waste of time.. 

Last night, Stuart Crawford, a former Army officer and defence commentator, condemned 'virtue-signalling, gesture politics nonsense from Mr McEleny'.

Better to condemn those who vote such jokes into the position in the first place, Stuart... 

'It's All The Fault Of Climate Change!' Pt 1798541

High temperatures and air pollution has previously been linked to aggression in humans, monkeys, rats and mice.

Now a study spanning 10 years has found the phenomenon also applies to man's best friend.

Wha..? Where did you get this from, Ambush? 

Well, Reader...

A teenager and two adults were rushed to hospital after a dog attack inside a home. The incident took place in the early hours of the morning of June 23 in a property in Leverington, Cambridgeshire.

Dangerous dog officers were called to the home just after 3am, finding three people involved injured at the scene.

Emergency services remained at the scene through the early hours and into the morning with a cordon placed around the house.

An investigation is also currently ongoing into the incident, reports Cambridgeshire Live.

Yup, 'climate change', I'm sure that's the cause.  

With, Of Course, Exceptions For The Right People?

Joanna Lumley has suggested that a system of rationing similar to that seen during wartime, under which people would have a limited number of points to spend on holidays or lavish consumer goods, could eventually help to tackle the climate crisis.

Gosh, where to start? Apart from, 'What 'climate crisis'..? 

“These are tough times, and I think there’s got to be legislation,” she told the Radio Times. “That was how the war was – stuff was rationed – and at some stage I think we might have to go back to some kind of system of rationing, where you’re given a certain number of points and it’s up to you how to spend them, whether it’s buying a bottle of whisky or flying in an aeroplane.”

I know as you get older you tend to fetishise the 'good old days' but this is utterly barking even by usual luvvie standards! 

In a new documentary on ITV next week, Lumley travels around the UK...

On foot? By bike? 

...following the adventurer Sacha Dench – known as “the human swan” – as she attempts an epic 3,000-mile journey around the British coast in an electric paramotor.

While her luggage goes by road, I guess? Will such a method of transport catch on?

...in September, just days from her journey’s end, Dench and her support pilot and photographer Dan Burton, who was flying a conventional paramotor, collided in mid-air over the western Highlands. Burton, 54, a father of two from Devon, died, and Dench, 46, was seriously injured and remains in hospital.

Reader, it's a 'No!' from me... 

H/T: TheOtherDavidBellamy via Twitter

That Definition Of Madness Again...

A pre-inquest review hearing was today (Monday, March 27) held at Bolton Coroner's Court.

The hearing was told that there was still some evidence yet to be submitted in the case. And Emily's father Mark Jones said: "I just find the process very frustrating. Deadlines are set and are never adhered to. It's like groundhog day coming her all the time."

Mr Jones made the comment after correspondence he sent to the coroner's office airing his frustration was referred to by the coroner.

Understandably so. And how did the coroner deal with it? 

Senior Coroner Timothy Brennand said to Mr Jones: "I am sorry you saw fit to communicate in those very clear and upsetting terms."

Yes, I just bet you are... 

He added that he wanted to address Mr Jones' concerns as he didn't want him to feel there were 'in any way being swept under the carpet'.

He already feels like that, and it's no surprise... 

He said the coroner's service always tried to work 'collaboratively with families' and to 'manage expectations' however he said Mr Jones had made it clear that in his case he did not feel they were being met.

"All I can do is apologise," Mr Brennand continued. "Your experience is your experience and I am not going to in any way quibble with it."

Because you can't. So...how are you going to deal with his belief that the case is being delayed unnecessarily by people who don't adhere to deadlines? 

Mr Brennand set deadlines for the disclosure of remaining evidence and legal submissions ahead of the inquest at the short hearing.

*sighs* 

It's Not Up To You To Decide What's Appropriate...

A top coroner has called on British military chiefs to stop giving retiring veterans ceremonial daggers after an ex-Army commando used one to kill his neighbours.

Because he couldn't possibly have used any other knife, like the dozens everyone has in their kitchen..? 

Somerset senior coroner, Samantha Marsh...

*sighs* 

Well, if you can't trust a former residential property solicitor to bring gravitas and common sense to a vital post like this, who can you trust?

 ...has written to Defence Secretary Ben Wallace and the Ministry of Defence and urged them to stop giving retiring troops weapons.

She wrote: 'The dagger was not a blunt replica, it was a fully functional weapon capable of causing significant harm, injury and sadly in the Chapples' case, death.

'Please reconsider the appropriateness of providing anyone leaving the British Army, regardless of rank or status, with what is (to all intents and purposes) a deadly weapon.

'Such presentation/gifting has essentially put a deadly weapon in the community (where I understand it sadly remains, having never been recovered as it was removed from the scene prior to police attendance) and I am not persuaded that this is appropriate.'

And who told you that assuring what gift it was appropriate for the Army to give retiring soldiers was part of your duty, Samantha? 

She added that Mr Wallace and the MoD are under a duty to respond to her report - which was also sent to the Chief Constable of Avon and Somerset Police - by April 25.

I hope they send the SAS to deliver it. To her front door, in the dead of night. Pinned to it with a ceremonial dagger... 

Chivalry Is Dead, No Flowers Please...

Karen Alcock, 41, faced a judge at Lincoln Crown Court following the death of her daughter Kyra Leanne King.

She was charged with being the owner and/or in charge of a dog which was out of control causing injury resulting in death. Alcock today pleaded guilty while Kyra's father Vince King, 54, denied the charge.

Oh..? 

Alcock will be sentenced next year while King will stand trial next June.

Addressing them both, Judge Simon Hirst said: 'Miss Alcock you've pleaded guilty and taken responsibility for what's happened and that will stand you in really good stead with the court when it's your sentence time.'

Counting on a pussy pass, I'm guessing? 

'Mr King you wish to have a trial as is your right.

'Given that your defence is effectively this is nothing to do with you, it's all to do with Miss Alcock, I'm afraid Miss Alcock will have to wait till the trial to be sentenced.'

What a fine specimen of manhood you chose to breed with, Miss Alcock.

Lincolnshire Police said the dog was being kept in isolation at secure kennels and officers were seeking a court order to have it destroyed.

Once again, the expense could all be avoided if ppolice shot the thing on the spot... 

What Happened To Scathing Reviews?

Martin Kettle in 'The Guardian':

There is nothing wrong in principle with protesting at the opera. I’ve very occasionally booed shows I hated, and I want to be free to do so again if I choose.

Why..? You've a column in the 'Guardian' to rip it to shreds the next morning, why ruin everyone else's enjoyment? 

Booing and whistling at the opera or theatre can sometimes be healthy and necessary protest.

Really? I'm not an opera goer, so it never even crossed my mind that this might be a thing. I've been to theatre performances I thought were rubbish, but I just left before the end... 

What happened at Covent Garden on Tuesday evening, however, wasn’t booing but heckling.

Oh, really? Trust a 'Guardian' writer to be able to draw a distinction... 

The target was Malakai M Bayoh, a 12-year-old boy soprano...

That's not the most stand-out thing, though, is it, Martin? 

I’d add for the record that, as far as I could tell, the heckling was not racist (Bayoh is a black boy from south London), although it may have been.

Maybe the chap should be given his own column in the paper to tell us why he did it? 

But there is a wider issue to consider here. Expressing one’s dissent against a production or a performance is often unattractive and sometimes (as here) unmerited. But it can have its place. Not always, but sometimes. It’s a tricky line to draw and to police. But I hope theatres do not start making it a requirement of attendance not to boo or protest, let alone make booing punishable by a lifetime ban.

"If I do it, it's necessary and needful. If you do it, it's wrong!" That ought to be the 'Guardian's' new strapline. 

April 1st Gets Earlier Every Year...

I mean, this must be an April Fool? Surely?

Assistant Commissioner Matt Jukes, the Metropolitan Police's new 'HeForShe Gender Equality Lead'...

Wait, what? That's a genuine post? FFS! 

...wore the 'Menovest' garment in a meeting to mark Menopause Awareness Month.

Couldn't he just mark it without a stunt? 

For instance, by getting his PA to write something cobbled together off Internet articles, like normal people who want to get shot of this pointless task so they can get on with real work? 

... as the heat came to him in 'waves' while he attended the force's Environment and Sustainability Board, he had a feeling of 'Oh no, not now' and 'an anticipation before really losing my train of thought'.

I think that particular train left the station a long, long time ago... 

Mr Jukes' Menovest experience was headline news on the Met's intranet this week.

And if they have a Yammer network, I bet it was humming... 

‘I’m happy he’s now been convicted, but it shouldn’t have taken third-party intervention to have got to this point.’

Well, no, indeed it shouldn't. But it seems that's what it now takes for our achingly-woke police farce to do their job:

A woman who took a picture of a teenager who groped her at a bus station was staggered to be told by police that the case would be shelved – due to a lack of evidence. The force reopened the investigation only after the 25-year-old victim passed on her photographs of the tagged groper to her local newspaper.

When a journalist contacted Derbyshire Police, officers issued a public appeal and within days, Daniel Oakes had been arrested.

And their excuse this time? 

Derbyshire Police initially claimed that a ‘full and proportionate’ investigation had taken place, but that ‘no offender was able to be identified’ – causing the case to be ‘filed’.

However, police later said that although it had been earmarked for filing, it first needed a sergeant to review whether ‘the images were of good enough quality for an identification to be made’.

The pictures are crystal clear. Why did it need a 'review' to determine that? And the police weren't the only ones failing in their duty:

The victim said that she had been left feeling ‘isolated and alone’ as a result of the response from police and a security guard at Derby bus station, who had threatened to remove her when she reported the sex assault. She was told to ‘stop being childish’ and get on her bus.

Wait, what?! 

The victim said: ‘I experienced a significant lack of help and support from not only the police, but the security staff at the bus station, who dealt with the matter very poorly.’ She added: ‘I was treated like the crazy one. I needed help and none was given.’

I wonder if that's a response to the continual flow of false accusations? Or did the guard simply feel that it was easier to bully a lone woman than tackle a (potentially armed) youth? 

Don't They Have Google In Canada..?

Ms White, who originates from Canada but has lived in east London for the past ten years added: 'I'm Jewish and the swastika is racist and anti-Semitic. I don't understand why the hotel have got it there and their explanation is offensive.'

 Unfortunately for you, snowflake, it's also completely accurate: 

After contacting the hotel on her behalf, she was told by Booking.com that the swastika in the Plough Inn bathroom is the one associated with Indian culture and not Nazism.

Despite its links with Hitler's regime, the swastika is originally a sacred symbol in Hinduism and a common sight in homes and temples around India.

Good job you never took a Tube out to Upminster, you'd be too horrified to get off!

But Ms White insisted: 'I appreciate the cultural significance of the swastika but regardless of this, we are not in India. This is in a hotel in Norfolk where it has completely different connotations.

'The hotel's reasons for having a swastika are just nonsense. They can't claim ignorance-everybody knows what it stands for. It should be removed immediately but they are so unapologetic about it. For me, this is active racism.'

But they aren't claiming ignorance at all. You, however, are showing plenty of it.

Do You Need More Proof That Drag Is Narcissism Writ Large?

I was being mercilessly bullied at school, and it was obvious to even the ants that crawled the pavements that I was gay as hell, which also happened to be my Iraqi parents’ worst nightmare. Home was a cosseted environment where any kind of genuine self-expression was policed.But the rainbow fish were almost defiant in their flamboyance.

I was hypnotised by their ethereal, kaleidoscopic forms that seemed to reject the conformity of the world I was desperately trying to fit into. Strange, undefinable creatures that moved through the sand and the water as if constantly in the process of becoming – I was transfixed.

Understandable. Aquariums have a power to soothe the soul, but they can't work miracles. Of course, most people buy them because they want the challenge and pleasure of keeping alive and happy these exotic pets.  

Instead of feeling solace, irrationally, I felt anger that my marine companions couldn’t understand what I was going through. I scanned the tank and tried to grab the attention of a pair of clownfish. But they were swimming along happily together – just another couple who had found love – and suddenly the tank made me feel lonelier than ever.

Because everything's about you... 

Shortly afterwards, I quit my job at the marine shop and developed a complete aversion to my fish tank, barely able to look at it without the temptation to smash the glass. I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on its lights.

One night, I saw that all my fish and coral were floating rigid on the surface. It was the final confirmation I needed – the tank no longer served me, and couldn’t be the heal-all balm I needed it to be.

So this twisted individual let his expensive pets die and now has a 'Guardian' column to boast about it? It's enough to make you vomit... 

I Don't Think It's God's Own Country Anymore...

Ah, Yorkshire, fondly-remembered holiday destination of my youth, bucolic setting for... 

Oh:

A young woman has told of her horror after she found a man's freshly severed hand on the floor of a Huddersfield club after he was attacked by two males armed with machetes.

Nice! 

The drama unfolded around 5.15pm last night at Deighton WMC when the men in balaclavas ambushed a man in the club's smoking shelter. The incident comes just months after another man had one of his arms partially chopped off with a machete near the club in February.

When did Huddersfield turn into Mogadishu? 

Still, at least some of the natives retain the phlegmatic practicality I remember:

The woman, who lives just yards away, said: "I heard this sudden scrunch of metal and went to take a look and there was this man bleeding with his hand twitching on the floor. I picked it up and took it home and started clearing out my freezer.

"My dad told me to put in a bag surrounded by ice cubes and take it back to the club which I did."

Although...perhaps there's such a thing as being too phlegmatic: 

"I'd seen these two males who attacked him seconds before. And although they were in balaclavas I didn't think anything of it, it's not unusual around here. The next time I saw them they were running away - both were carrying huge machetes."

*blinks* 

It's Not The 'Cost Of Living'...

...because they aren't living:

A homeless charity has called on activists and supporters to march through Belfast on Saturday to protest against a sharp increase in the number of people dying on the streets of Northern Ireland’s capital.

And why are they dying? Because they are taking drugs and overdosing. 

McCusker, of the Social Democratic and Labour party (SDLP), said Belfast was not providing enough accommodation, addiction services and mental health treatment to handle the big increase in the number of young homeless people. Many mixed heroin and other opiates with other drugs, he said. “Most people we work with take a cocktail of drugs, which puts them at greater risk.”

The cost of living was having a “massive” impact on homelessness, McCusker added.

Aren't drugs and alcohol pretty expensive? And if you spend all your money on those, you've not got enough for rent? 

Extern has urged policymakers to open an overdose prevention facility – a designated place for people to take drugs under the supervision of trained staff, who provide drug treatment, mental health services, wound care and blood testing.

Great! When do they open a fake supermarket, so all the compulsive shoplifters can get their supervised 'fix'? Or allow predators to target schoolgirls under the eyes of the authorities and poli...

Oh, wait. They've already done that one, haven't they? 

Hey, SSSC, You Know What Really 'Reflects Badly On The Profession'..?

A stalker who terrorised a leukaemia sufferer for over a year before trying to book them into an assisted suicide clinic has been given an official warning...

Typical police, letting criminals off! 

...by the social care regulator.

Wait, what?

Nursery worker Emma Johnston, 50, launched a campaign of false accusations and even tried booking her victim into Dignitas - resulting in her getting sent her own condolences cards and calls stating she had died. Ms Johnston, who was employed at Hazlehead Primary School Nursery in Aberdeen, contacted the assisted suicide clinic to tell them one of her victims required end-of-life care.The victim, aged 71, suffered from leukaemia and received calls and letters from funeral directors stating she had died.

During the 13-month period Mrs Johnston also contacted Police Scotland and filed false reports of domestic abuse. And she even contacted one victim's employer claiming they had committed a criminal offence.

Thirteen months...?! Why isn't she behind bars? 

The 50-year-old pleaded guilty to charges of causing fear or alarm by stalking at Aberdeen Sheriff Court in July last year.

Parents were shocked after Johnston returned back to work at Hazlehead Primary School on the same day she made her plea.

As well they might! How on earth can someone who is found guilty of something like this possibly still be employed?

The Scottish Social Services Council (SSSC) said: 'Your behaviour showed a disregard for the wellbeing of others, for the law and for the time and resources of the organisations that you contacted under false pretences.

'We note there was no harm to any service users.

'You have made some admissions but you have largely focussed on what had been done to you and how you have been treated, rather than looking at the impact your behaviour had on others.'

Typical 'I'm the real victim here!' attitude of someone who hasn't been adequately punished by the weak justice system, I fear... 

'Given the circumstances of your convictions, we have considered that the risk of repetition is low as you no longer have contact with [information redacted].

'Given the low risk of repetition, it is unlikely that you present an ongoing risk to the public. However, your page three of four convictions reflected badly on the profession.'

That you haven't struck her off to force the idiots at Hazlehead Primary to sack her is doing that... 

The Mounties No Longer Get Their Man...

...because they no longer know what one is:

Oh, Canada...

Isobella Degrace, 27, was last seen on Saturday, June 25, 2022, at 3 a.m., in the Ryerson Avenue and Bathurst Street area.

She is described as 5’10", with a thin build, shaggy blonde hair, and a full goatee. She was last seen wearing a black t-shirt and grey pants. Police are concerned for her safety.

I'm concerned for the sanity of the people who can put this out into the public domain...