A Guardian article where they celebrate the fact that punters are getting ripped off by rapacious big business? Surely, you jest?
There is, I can’t deny, something funny about the notion of clandestine agents roving the country’s drinking houses and measuring their pours down to the millilitre. But let’s take these findings seriously. Let us imagine that this is, in fact, one of the most pressing issues facing consumers. And let us focus specifically on beers, as this seems to be where the problems are greatest. What exactly a perfectly poured beer should look like is a tricky question. Some people like a bit more head on their pint of lager than others. Go to any pub in east London right now and you will find three graphic designers willing to talk to you for up to an hour about exactly how much foam there should be on top of a Guinness.
Ah, I see. It's a rant about 'Yuppies'. Did she sent this column in from the Eighties?
Some people will happily just look at their pint, see it’s a little short, and ask the bartender to top it up. I’m not one of those people. I just can’t bring myself to do it, except perhaps in really egregious cases of underpouring. This is because there is a human being standing there who just gave me the pint. We have a culture of OK service in the UK. We don’t generally go in for the thrilling rudeness of, say, Parisian waiters, or the obsequious attention you get from US servers. I like it this way.
You like being shortchanged and treated like an inconvenience when you're handing over money? Strange...
And when I worked behind a bar, if someone asked me to top up their beer, especially if the pub was busy, and especially if they did so with a look in their eye that implied I had intentionally shortchanged them, I hated it. I hated them. Oh, do excuse me, did sir want a thimbleful more beer? Will that be all, my liege? Does master’s pint meet with his approval now?
Ah, I see. You were resentful at having to work at all. Sorry, princess, but the bills have to be paid!
...I sort of see the point of those who ask for the top-up. You buy a pint, you should get a pint. A simple and fair exchange of money for a specified good.
But … while it might be correct to the letter of the law to get a full imperial pint every time you order one, it does not feel true to the spirit of pints to quibble about it. Of those 86% of beers that were underpoured, the average deficit was only 4%. We are talking about less liquid than a single espresso.
It doesn't really matter what the amount is, it's the principle, surely?
But for marginal cases, suck it up. A pint is, to a point, an idea. It is a lovely yellowy brown glass of “having a nice time”. The exact measurement should, rightly, be neither here nor there. Put the tape measure away, and enjoy your beer. Cheers.
Well, the customer is always right, didn't they teach you that one in your bar training? They want a full pint and they are entitled to one.
